Non-Virgin Women Are Just Like Used Cars

An ad from a used car dealership that ran in the London Free Press, a free newspaper in London, Ontario. The ad compares used cars to sexually experienced women with the lines, “You know you’re not the first. But do you really care?”:

It’s blatant objectification of women, but “in addition to objectifying women to sell vehicles, this campaign suggests that a woman’s sexual past is equivalent to depreciation.”

The gift of Solitude

“I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers.” ~Henry David ThoreauThe Benefits of Solitude

 

The best art is created in solitude, for good reason: it’s only when we are alone that we can reach into ourselves and find truth, beauty, soul. Some of the most famous philosophers took daily walks, and it was on these walks that they found their deepest thoughts.  Just a few of the benefits I’ve found from solitude:

• time for thought
• in being alone, we get to know ourselves
• we face our demons, and deal with them
• space to create
• space to unwind, and find peace
• time to reflect on what we’ve done, and learn from it
• isolation from the influences of other helps us to find our own voice
• quiet helps us to appreciate the smaller things that get lost in the roar

There are many more benefits, but that’s to get you started. The real benefits of solitude cannot be expressed through words, but must be found in doing.

How to Find Solitude

You start by disconnecting.
Take every means of connecting with others, and sever them. Disconnect from email, from Facebook and Twitter and MySpace, from forums and social media, from instant messaging and Skype, from news websites and blogs. Turn off your mobile device and phones.
Turn off the computer … unless you’re going to use the computer to create, in which case, shut off the Internet, close your browser, and shut down every other program used to connect with others.
The next steps depend on which of two strategies you use:
1. Holing yourself up. This can be done in your office, by shutting the door and/or using headphones and the calming music of your choice. If possible, let coworkers know you can’t be disturbed during a certain block of your day. Or it can be done at home, by finding a quiet space, shutting the door if you can, or using headphones. The key is to find a way to shut out the outside world, including co-workers or those who live with you.
2. Getting away. My favorite way to find solitude, actually. Get out the door, and enjoy the outdoors. Take a walk, find a park or a beach or a mountain, find a quiet coffee shop, find a shady spot to rest. People watch, or nature watch.
Other tips:

• Try taking a quiet, relaxing bath from time to time.
• Curl up with a good novel.
• If you’re married with kids, ask your spouse to give you some time off to be alone, and then return the favor. Make it a regular swap.
• Take a walk every day.
• Get into work earlier, and work in quiet.
• Have a nice cup of tea.
• Try a regular time each day when you’re disconnected.
• Consider limiting the stream.
• Trouble with self-control? Use one of these tools.
• No time for solitude? Try these tips.
• Try sitting still, and focusing on your breath as it comes in and goes out. As your mind wanders to thoughts of the past and future, make a patient note of that, then gently return to your breathing.

“I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.” ~Albert Einstein

Pema Chodron "This Lousy World"

Survivor Art Show at Waffle Frolic - Art for Awareness

Trust - Mandala of the Month

The idea of “trust” seems to be popping up everywhere for me and others around me. It can be a big issue outside of ourselves…can we trust the media, our government, our boss, our neighbors, our family? While all important, the trust I speak of with this month’s mandala refers to self trust.

Trusting yourself issue are the voices in my head. Which one do I listen to? One voice says to do this, another says to do that. How do I know when my true voice is speaking to me?  Can you trust yourself to do what you say you’re going to do? Can you trust yourself to make the “right” decision? Can you trust yourself to truly know what course of action would be best to take?
Sometimes I catch myself avoiding making any decision because I’m afraid I’ll pick the wrong one. The “what ifs” take over. What if I decide this way and then realize I should have gone that way? What if I don’t like the decision I’ve made? What if? What if? What if? In the meantime, I feel stuck right where I am.
In another post, I mentioned how this feels like being in a room with all these doors. Each door leading to a path based on a decision that I make. For the longest time, when I would think of this room of doors, I would see myself just sitting on the floor, with my head held down totally overwhelmed by my choices, feeling totally clueless as to which one to choose.
One day it occurred to me to just pick one…any one! If I truly regret the decision, go back and choose again. I just needed to trust that whatever happens, I could/can handle it by either continuing on the path or bowing out and choosing another path…just keep moving forward. If I do choose to bow out I need to remind myself to treat it as a learning experience rather than being “wrong”.

To summarize: this is about learning to trust yourself. Yes we’ve all made decisions that we have regretted, which makes it more difficult for us to trust our decision making abilities. If we truly look at those decisions, though, we realize that we learned something from everyone of them. And while they may have turned out differently than planned, in some way or another we have gained from them. Trust you body to help you on a more intuitive level. And if you’re open to it, trust your guides and angels to help you on a spiritual level.
Ponder this as you color this mandala throughout the month of April.

Happy Coloring!!!

April is Sexual Violence Awareness Month

Keep a one sentence journal

2011 Happiness Challenge: For those of you following the 2011 Happiness Project Challenge, to make 2011 a happier year -- and even if you haven’t officially signed up for the challenge -- welcome! Last month's theme was Body, and last week’s resolution was to Manage pain. Did you try that resolution? Did it boost your happiness?

This month’s theme is Memories, and this week’s resolution is to Keep a one sentence journal

Tee'd about Urban Outfitters Marketing?

Screen capture of an image for the graphic t-shirts section of the Urban Outfitters website, in which the men are all fully clothed and the women…less so:

Four More Women Sue Dov Charney For Sexual Harassment

Weeks after a lawsuit was filed against American Apparel CEO Dov Charney for raping a former employee, four more women have come forward with charges of sexual harassment.

A history lesson for Chris Brown — watch it. Now.

The death toll from Japan’s earthquake and tsunami has topped 10,000

 Donate to help relief efforts here.

Pain Body

Are you finding it difficult to experience what Eckhart Tolle calls being “present” through the chaotic energy and challenges of everyday life? Two words can lead you back to that grounded and relaxed place where creativity and solutions can be accessed: Be Calm.

At this point in my life

The sum of us is greater than its parts

Survivor Psalm

I have been victimized.
I was in a fight that was
not a fair fight.
I did not ask for the fight.
I lost.
There is no shame in losing
such fights.
I have reached the stage of
survivor and am no longer a
slave of victim status.
I look back with sadness
rather than hate.
I look forward with hope
rather than despair.
I may never forget, but I need
not constantly remember.
I was a victim.
I am a survivor.

Gender Bia: Dr, Pepper is for Men. For men only. Men Only.

Dr. Pepper is market-testing a new product, Dr Pepper 10, which is a 10-calorie (per 12 ounces) soda aimed at men aged 25-34. The problem the company faces is how to market a diet product to men, given the association of dieting with femininity. Dr. Pepper has apparently decided to face this challenge head on and make it very, very clear who this product is and isn’t meant for.

Campus gropers told to look over shoulders

Sale on women parts?

Giving Good Face

Instinctively, we may be able to figure out basic emotions (and whether they are genuine – such as whether or not a person is “smiling with their eyes“), but what about when people are fighting or trying to deceive like a sociopath does? I found interesting an interactive quiz on micro expressions, developed by Paul Ekman, PH.D., a professor of psychology at the University of California Medical School in San Francisco. Can you be fooled?

Wake Up Call

wake up…Wake Up…WAKE UP!

Do you know where you are and what you are doing right now? Are you mindful of all you do throughout the day? Or do you operate in autopilot mode most days?

This mandala reminds us to take back our lives. How are we allowing others to determine/run our lives? How are we allowing the fears in our minds determine/run our lives? Are we living our truth? This idea pushes the comfort zone for most of us. We can continue to be like a frog floating in a pot of water feeling quite safe and comfortable little realizing that the pot sits on a stove slowly warming to a boil…or we can wake up, realize where we are, and jump out.

Ponder this as you color this mandala throughout the month of March.

And as you color the flag, how would you decorate it? what logo or message would you design?
Happy Coloring!

Most Rape Cases Are About Consent, Not DNA

The backlog of untested rape kits causes continuous outcry among women’s advocates. Wendy Murphy says this focuses on the wrong issue because most rape cases are about consent, not who did it.

 (WOMENSENEWS)–Throughout the country we hear constant outcry about DNA rape kits that never get tested.Women’s eNews has run commentaries about this supposed outrage and just two weeks ago The New York Times reported on a presumably shocking stockpile of untested kits in Texas. A couple of years ago, New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof compared the problem to something more likely to occur in Afghanistan than the United States, which turned up the clamor about untested kits.

The U.S. legal system may be embarrassingly bad at providing meaningful redress for rape victims, but untested DNA kits are not the problem. To the contrary. Public attention to the untested kits makes the problem of systemic injustice worse because it saps precious resources and distracts us from the real issues.

DNA testing is not only a red herring wrapped up in a Trojan horse, it’s a gigantic neon whale, stuffed inside a Trojan elephant-in-the-room.

Rape kits may be stacked up in criminal evidence closets all over the country, but not because there isn’t enough money or political will to demand testing. It’s because as many as 90 percent of the kits contain evidence that is, at most, irrelevant.

Eighty-five percent of victims know their attackers and the defense is focused on consent, not whether the act occurred. In such cases, DNA tells us nothing about the issue in dispute. A rape kit could contain the DNA of three men, five sheep and the Loch Ness monster, and it would have nothing to do with whether the victim consented to sex on the night in question. (Read more)

How to raise a boyfriend

If there is a book that can be accurately judged by its cover, it is How to Raise a Boyfriend by Rebecca Eckler. Book offers relationship advice based on the idea that men are just like children, desperately in need of raising by women.  This books biggest failure (aside from its gender essentialism) is the horrible advice Eckler gives.  Not only is it biased, sourced exclusively from all things Eckler (her experiences, muffin-waxer, exes, etc.), but it’s dangerous. Recommended raising techniques include lying about low self-esteem, sending passive-aggressive messages, invading privacy, initiating guilt trips, promising sex acts for good behavior, abstaining from sex acts as punishment, and the list goes on. It’s the use of sex that is particularly problematic:

"When women are asked to believe they are “gifting” their sexuality, the pleasure and power in it is lost, and the potential for female sexual agency is removed. Sex is many things to many people, but the last thing it should be is part of a barter system to acquire respect and admiration."

She has a huge following which begs to question, how can people be so accepting of a reductionist and factually incorrect worldview?

No jail for rapist because victim “wanted to party”

Yes. This is a real headline. A Manitoba judge ruled last week that a rapist won’t go to jail because “sex was in the air.” From The National Post:

"Rhodes and a friend met the 26-year-old woman and her girlfriend earlier that night outside of a bar under what the judge called “inviting circumstances.” Judge Dewar specifically noted the women were wearing tube tops with no bra, high heels and plenty of makeup. “They made their intentions publicly known that they wanted to party,” said the judge. He noted the women spoke of going swimming in a nearby lake that night “notwithstanding the fact neither of them had a bathing suit.”
…This is a different case than one where there is no perceived invitation,” he said. “This is a case of misunderstood signals and inconsiderate behaviour.”
Judge Dewar said he didn’t want to be seen as blaming the victim, but that all of the factors surrounding the case must be viewed to assess “moral blameworthiness.”

Apparently this “moral blameworthiness” has everything to do with wearing tube tops and plenty of makeup, and alluding to skinny dipping. Because “sex in the air” always means “inevitable sex.” Right.

8 Tips for Feeling Happier During an Unhappy Time

I'm not one of those shiny happy people types.  Not a glass half full kind of girl, but not a glass half empty.  More keep the glasses coming type, which is why I love Gretchen Rubin.

Gretchen Rubin spent a year studying books and research reports about happiness and then tested out the ideas on herself to find out if they would make her happier. She wrote about her experiments in a highly-entertaining memoir called The Happiness Project.

Every Wednesday is tip day.  This Wednesday: 8 tips for feeling happier during an unhappy time.

1. Remind yourself of reasons to be grateful. When things look really dark, it's hard to feel grateful, but remembering what's good in your life can help put problems into perspective. I have a friend who recently suffered a big disappointment at work. She said to me, "As long as my family is healthy, I can't get too upset about anything." This may sound like hackneyed advice, but it's really true.

2. Remember your body. Take a twenty-minute walk outside to boost your energy and dissolve stress. Don’t let yourself get too hungry. Get enough sleep. Manage pain. When you’re anxious, it’s easy to stay up late and eat ice cream -- and that’s going to make you feel worse in the long run. It's very tempting to run yourself ragged trying to deal with a crisis, but in the long run, you just wear yourself out.

3. Do something fun. Temporarily distract yourself from the stress, and re-charge your battery, with an enjoyable activity. Watching a funny movie is a reliable way to give yourself a pleasant break, and listening to your favorite music is one of the quickest ways to change your mood. When my older daughter was in the intensive-care unit as a newborn, my husband dragged me off to a movie one afternoon -- and that few hours of distraction made me much better able to cope with the situation. Be careful, however, not to “treat” yourself by doing something that’s eventually going to make you feel worse (taking up smoking again, drinking too much, indulging in retail therapy). My comfort-food activity is reading children's literature.

4. Take action. If you’re in a bad situation, take steps to bring about change. If you’re having trouble with your new boss, you could decide to try to transfer. Or you could change your behavior. Or you could find ways to pay less attention to your boss. Ask yourself, "What exactly is the problem?" It's astounding to me that often, when I take time to identify a problem exactly, a possible solution presents itself.

5. Look for meaning. Re-frame an event to see the positive along with the negative. Maybe getting fired will give you the push you need to move to the city where you’ve always wanted to live. Maybe your illness has strengthened your relationships with your family. You don’t need to be thankful that something bad has happened, but you can try to find positive consequences even in a catastrophic event.

6. Connect with friends and family. Strong relationships are a KEY to happiness, so fight the impulse to isolate yourself. Show up. Make plans. Ask for help, offer your help to others. Or just have some fun (see #3) and forget your troubles for a while.

7. Make something better. If something in your life has gotten worse, try to make something else better – and it doesn’t have to be something important. Clean a closet. Organize your photographs. Work in the yard.

8. Act toward other people the way you wish they’d act toward you. If you wish your friends would help you find someone to date, see if you can fix up a friend. If you wish people would help you find a job, see if you can help someone else find a job. If you can’t think of a way to help someone you know, do something generous in a more impersonal way. For instance: commit to being an organ donor! When you’re feeling very low, it can be hard to muster the energy to help someone else, but you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel. Do good, feel good; it really works.

What other strategies have you used to make yourself happier during an unhappy time?

Evo-psych

Boys are like microwaves

The newest from Amplify in their abstinence-only series.

Triangle Shirtwaist Fire

The final unidentified victims of the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire—a 1911 tragedy that had a huge impact on the creation of American labor laws and building codes—have finally been matched with names. What's really interesting to me: The fact that the bodies weren't identified with DNA, or any other modern science, but through simple detective work. Even before they died, the workers at the Triangle Shirtwaist factory were largely anonymous, except to the people who knew them personally. So, while official historians didn't know the names of all the dead, those names were always out there, buried in articles from small, neighborhood newspapers and passed down in family histories.

MOMA

New York's Museum of Modern Art is hosting their third exhibition on the intersection of music and art. Titled "Looking at Music 3.0," this show presents the New York scene of the 1980s and 1990s, a rich period when graffiti, performance art, and hip hop emerged from the underground. The show features the work of dozens of artists like Keith Haring, Diamanda Galas, Karen Finley, Christian Marclay, Sonic Youth, Run DMC, Afrika Bambaataa, Kathleen Hanna and Le Tigre, and Laura Levine. At left is Levine's stunning portrait of Talking Heads bassist Tina Weymouth and hip hop legend Grandmaster Flash, shot in 1981 for a cover of New York Rocker.

Remembering Malcolm

Yesterday was the 46th anniversary of Malcolm X’s assassination.  I am drawn to how Malcolm’s conversion to Islam enabled him to find inner piece and broaden his viewpoints on race:

“No matter how much respect, no matter how much recognition whites show towards me…as long as that same respect and recognition isn’t shown towards everyone of our people in this country–it doesn’t exist for me.”
                                                                                                                                             - Malcolm X

Rape Prevention Tips That Work

Oh, really, is it rape 'o clock already?

When you are looking to perpetuate rape culture Japanese animation never disappoints. Here we find a sample product of an upcoming toy line that will be released in January compliments of TOMOPOP. Product review reads:

"Excuse me miss, do you have the time? Oh, really, is it rape 'o clock already? Hm, well, you're here. And I'm here. Shall we just get this over with, then? Ms. Nanase is in prime raping position, being tied up to the bed and all. Plus, for ease of use, all of her clothes are easily detachable, and comes with a complimentary blindfold, if you can't look her in the eyes."

Site also encourages those to save up their dough or risk having to go on another raping spree.

Mandala of the Month

Mandala's are great stress relievers.  Many hospitals use them for trauma victims as a way to cope w/ PTSD. Mandala of the Month offers just that, free mandala's monthly to color. For February we focus on joy, with the intent of continuing to focus on joy for the remainder of our days on this planet.

What is keeping us from our joy? Personally for me it usually comes down to a ‘deserving’ issue. Am I worthy of joy? How can I be joyful, when so many people suffer on a daily basis?

What happens to a room full of dull, boring people when a joyful baby appears; it changes the whole feel of the room and everyone in it. We need to be the joy and even if it’s a struggle to be joyful all the time, capture whatever moments of joy you can and savor it.

Coloring is one way to tap into your inner joy. Ponder this as you color this month’s mandala of the month.

Domestic Violence Survivor Celena Roby creates "Celena's Law"

Celena Roby's abuser admitted to the judge that he had confined his wife and held her against her will, but he was nonetheless able to walk out of the courtroom a free man. Roby says the judge decided he was not guilty because she wasn't afraid enough of being harmed, even though this was a pattern of abuse, both physical assault and restraint, that had gone on for 11 years. "This is why women don't leave," Roby told the arresting officer. She said she was cut off from having friends, and felt like she was being kept in a "three-bedroom prison."

But Roby did leave, after her seven-year-old son, having seen her head smashed into the wall, thought that his mother should have just answered her abuser's question more quickly so as to escape harm. And then she decided to do something about this miscarriage of justice. That's when she came up with Celena's Law.

Celena's Law is modeled on legislation in 38 states that makes unlawful restraint a misdemeanor. In West Virginia, where Roby lives, kidnapping is a felony, but only applies to restraint intended to obtain a "concession" (ransom), which doesn't apply to domestic abuse situations. Which means that a domestic violence perpetrator, like Roby's husband, can stroll into a courtroom, admit to restraining his wife against her will, and walk out again a free man and confessed abuser. And it means that prosecutors have fewer ways to go after domestic violence perpetrators.

One in four American women experiences abuse from an intimate partner – and the number is actually higher because it's such an underreported crime. Domestic violence accounts for 30 percent of injuries to women treated in emergency settings; every year approximately 1.3 million women are assaulted or raped by a partner.

If these statistics aren't disturbing enough, domestic violence survivors are more likely to have depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. These can cause withdrawal and poor coping skills that could impact someone's ability to function in the workplace, for example. Studies also show health problems lingering long after a survivor's injuries have healed: chronic ailments like insomnia, gastrointestinal disorders, suicidal thoughts, crippling anxiety and substance abuse can persist for a lifetime.

How quickly life passes. One glorious blur to the next. Ever seeking the one true moment that defines us in our death.

Back to Ohio

Call me Sisyphus

Within 20 minutes of another received two personal catastrophic events.  One I can talk about.  My father just died of a heart attack.  Parents gone.  I have no family anymore.

This week has been especially hard though it started out promising.  Amazing actually.  Strange what a difference a day makes. I am scared as I go through this completely alone.  Well alone except for my boulder. 

Is Bulletstorm the Worst Video Game Ever?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Calling out parents on bullying LGBT

This ad finally calls out the adults as the culprits for the cruelty that youth are inflicting upon each other...

Game to help you enhance those stalking skills

Just released in time for January's Stalking Awareness Month a video game where you stalk women!! From game creators: "Imagine a game where you're an up and coming fashion photographer learning the rope in the cut-throat entertainment industry. This isn't that. Instead you take pictures of unsuspecting women as they walk by. You're basically a stalker ...who works for a magazine."

Gwar disembowels Sarah Palin on stage

GWAR may be all about the performance, and objectifying women in heavy metal videos is nothing new, but disemboweling Sarah Palin in effigy on stage goes beyond shock jock entertainment. Violence against women is real and simulating it front of huge audience (many of which are teens) is perpetuating rape culture.

Leave em laughing with rape humor

Our first step in the prevention of sexual violence is to dismantle rape culture. Speak out against attitudes and behaviors that contribute to a culture where violence is condoned and often encouraged. Pictured a vintage Henny Youngman joke now hung in the hallway of a popular Las Vegas Hotel to create that subtle wink and nod that being held against one's will is all in good fun.

Do we have a false rape allegation epidemic?

Do we have a false rape epidemic? If you read the Ithaca Journal blogs following my attack you would think false rape reporting was the next H1N1.

False rape reporting stems from the false myths that surround sexual assault like women cry rape to get revenge or attention. Perpetrators quickly align themselves with these myths to shield themselves from culpability to their crimes. With so many perps crying “false rape allegation” you would think we are in the midst of false rape allegation pandemic. Though statistically less than 4% of reported rapes are proven false. That is the same percentage as other crimes. Still that low percentage is little comfort to one if falsely accused. So let’s put on a rape apologist finger for a moment and investigate how one might create a false rape allegation.

Before we begin our false rape scenario we must first acknowledge what sets rape victims apart from other crime victims is that a rape victim is immediately perceived as a potential liar when making a report to authorities. Not only is that “prove it” tone implied with each and every question during their statement but so is the demand to retell the traumatizing events over and over to catch any inconsistencies. Before an arrest is even considered detectives run a gamut of background checks on the victim ensuring the victim doesn't go around making reports like this every day. Victim’s pasts are not only combed over by detectives given the case, but also by the prosecuting team to see any areas that might come out against the victim in trial. Inconsistencies (if any,) are again probed for further clarification. Rape crisis counselors are dispatched to the scene where if a victim is fabricating any story they must definitely show no holes to a trained counselor.

The rape victim’s body becomes a crime scene. Intensive efforts are put forth into examining every scrape, cut and marking both inside and on a victim’s body. Through a collection of fibers, swabs, picks, scraping, scans and photographs every inch of the victim’s body evidence is gathered, and completed in the most intrusive of ways. Anyone that claims a woman makes a false rape claim should first go through SANE (Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner) themselves before making such a nonsensical statement.

Once the rape allegation is made family and friends will begin to choose sides. Some will choose to blame a victim for what she wore, drank or mixed signals sent to the perpetrator. Others will worry that she has become damaged goods. Many of the victim’s acquaintances and co-workers will be uncomfortable that she made herself a target by not taking “proper precautions” to avoid getting raped. Eventually that uncomfortable gossip will lead to shunning and eventual alienation. Community shunning will occur once the assault reaches the media. Victims must endure community banishment and a constant barrage of victim-blaming statements. Defense lawyers know this, and they rely heavily on the victim-blaming culture to help spin their client’s temporarily soiled name back to dignity. Good lawyers spin a few prevailing myths on rape to their advantage during trial never missing a beat to question the victim on what they were wearing, why the delay in reporting, and if they knew the assailant prior to the attack etc.

A victim knows all this before ever sitting down and giving a statement to police. They know it, and fear it which is why 80%of rape victims never find the strength to report it. If someone is crazy enough to want to put themselves through the experience of creating a false report they must also possess certain talents like being part sociopath and Academy Award Winning Actor to fool not only the police, detective team, District Attorney, Grand Jury, SANE/hospital personnel, rape crisis counselors, therapist, friends and family, co-workers, and community members but she must also fool herself. A victim must keep up the sham with strategically planned outburst performances of PTSD(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and RTS (Rape Trauma Syndrome) never letting anyone close to them in on their revenge scheme. They must avoid dating or reclaiming their life in any way as to make themselves still seem damaged. A routine that must be dragged on for months even years as rape trials usually take that long to prosecute.

Now anyone up for this revenge scheme?

Even with my attempt to temporarily cloak myself in a false rape accuser’s dressing I still have trouble with one thing. Wouldn’t it just be easier to get revenge by planting crack rock in his car or sleeping with his best friend? Surely there are simpler ways of revenge ones that don’t whack away at the dignity, livelihood, spirit, relationships a victim has spent a lifetime building. And then I wonder something else if a woman can be so good a liar to seek revenge then why can’t a perpetrator be just as good avoiding justice?

 

Made punk rock cookies w/ daughter over Christmas break.  She doesn't want to be a punk rocker, she wants to be a rude girl.

Breathe in Faith. Breathe out Fear.

Level 3 Sex Offender resides across the street from local daycare

A level 3 sex offender Matt Adams is living directly across the street from Little Feet Montessori Day Care in Ithaca. Neighbors to Adams is Gary Hoover a level 2 sex offender. What makes this issue even more frustrating is that the school is telling parents to park in his driveway to transport kids to and from the school because the school doesn't have adequate parking space.

Level 3 offenders must register for life and police officials are required to forward that information tolocal organizations “with vulnerable populations,” including schools, senior centers, or women’s groups. A database of Level 3 sex offenders including what they have been convicted of, their addresses and their photos is available online, and searchable by zip code.

Under the New York Sex Offender Registration Act, convicted sex offenders are required to register with the New York State Division of Criminal Justice Services for ten or more years after the offender has committed his/her crime. Local law enforcement is authorized to notify entities with “vulnerable”populations,” that an offender who is deemed to be at risk of repeating an offense has moved into a
nearby area. The Act authorizes those who receive this information to disseminate it further.

Town of Ithaca response:

I am unclear what action you would like me to take. As you noted, the County has a Sex Offender Registry website and mailing notifications are no longer required by law.

Why is our community complacent to sexual violence? Yes. Yes. Agencies will provide for those victimized by violence but that is postvention. How about getting to the situation before it has a chance to escalate to violence? If you think level 3 sex offenders are not a problem in your neighborhood than talk to the Van Dammes or Mark Lunsford who both lost children to a registered sex offender living a few houses away.

Write to Town of Ithaca and city of Ithaca representatives and help keep our kids safe. CHILDREN CAN'T VOTE FOR THEMSELVES.

Please write to and help keep Ithaca Children Safe:
Barbara Lifton
District Office
106 East Court Street
Ithaca, NY 14850
607-277-8030
http://assembly.state.ny.us/mem/?ad=12

Disney's hilarious ride through sex slavery

I think Minnie just lost an ear over this story. Ms. Magazine blog spotlights Disney poking fun at the sex slave industry. With as many as 4 million people–most of them women and children–are sold into slavery globally each year, according to the United Nations, and 70 percent of those women are trafficked for commercial sexual exploitation, the humor is lost on me.

Disney has unparalleled power to shape young hearts and minds. If the Pirates of the Caribbean ride normalizes sexual slavery with humor, it can desensitize viewers to this heinous and very real gendered crime.

Self care is vital to ending sexual violence

Recently, Sandra Henriquez (a leader with decades of service to the survivor and advocate community) delivered a keynote address at CALCASA’s 2010 National Sexual Assault Conference. She spoke on the importance of self-care for those who have committed careers to ending sexual violence.

Fraternity charges women's dorm with rape chant

Delta Kappa Epsilon Frat pledges chant "No means Yes, Yes means Anal" They also threw in, "My name is Jack, I'm a necrophiliac, I f*ck dead women." People do look up to Greek organizations, so if they set a good example about safer sex, what consent really means, promoting equal rights, etc, others just might follow suit.

Pictures tell a thousand racist words

Ever notice how people with racist attitudes convince themselves that they can’t possibly be racist? Racism does not require you a card carrying member of the KKK or advocate the return of slavery. No, it comes in many shades and some more subtle than others. Some messages are even more frighteningly blatant. Oppression in any form begets violence.

Kuma Charmer's Pole Pride

I am a night owl which means I come across a lot of bizarre commercials while channel surfing late at night. One commercial recently caught my eye as largely sexist twisted with a tad “I won’t be stuck in this dead end job forever" career inspiring. There are 300,000 Hooters alumni all taught the value of hard work and education. Something else I didn’t know Hooters was a family restaurant to take the kiddies.

Perhaps Kuma Charmers can start up an ad campaign entitled “Pole Pride?”

Blown sideways in recovery

If you think I am the worst blogger ever, then you are probably right. I have never blogged in my life. In recent months my therapist recommended that I journal as a means of working out my trauma. I am a rape and domestic violence survivor. I took to the computer since my handwriting resembles something like a madman confined to an isolation chamber. Typing would not just make it more legible but also provide me with a means to search out additional ways of healing. As I gain knowledge on violence I am learning that I am not alone in my journey to reclaim myself. I have read hundreds of blogs from survivors like me all trying to make sense of it all. Sharing their stories appears to help their recovery. So I decided to share in that process. I have decided to post a bunch of journals I have written never meaning to send.

I doubt I will write about anything other than violence prevention and awareness topics but who knows. Many wacky things happen to me some might be entertaining to share. I know I won’t try to get a following because I’m not into being Queen of the Blogshere. I feel that everything worth saying has already been said and presented way cooler than I could do so there’s little that I can add to the mix. I am doing to heal.